Reasons I'm not joining the Navy (this year)

Arg, mateys! Captain Hank here after another swashbuckling fun weekend! Mom put me in my Navy shirt from Miss Leah and I was all ready to enlist, but then Mom told me a couple things I didn't know. First, it turns out that the Navy is actually the enemy of pirates. Which is kind of confusing. Because the President told me that the Navy is on our side. But Grandma Seibert likes Pirates. So if I joined the Navy, I guess Grandma would be my enemy. But in the movie, weren't the pirates the good guys and the Navy the enemy? But that was the British Navy, so maybe the U.S. and the Caribbean pirates are allies and the other pirates and the British are our enemies. I don't think that's how it works anymore though. This is all really confusing. And Dad says that Jack Sparrow lives in France. But aren't the French supposed to be rude? The Navy has too much politick-ing.

Anywho, the next reason I'm not going to join up is that Mom says you're not allowed to carry your blankie on the ship. But I know for a fact that Miss Leah took Cubbie, her bear, on the ship. Maybe there's a different rule about bears. I can see how they could serve a naval purpose. They could catch fish for dinner.

Next, there's a nasty rumor going around that Snoopy, Woodstock and Oscar the Grouch aren't even in the Navy. Why would they be on Navy t-shirts if they aren't in the Navy? To quote my GG: "That don't make no sense." I'm sure they're probably super generals. (That's the rank directly above Uber-Colonel.)

Finally, Mom says I'd have to get a hair cut. And since there is an unspoken competition between Uncle Adam, Dad, and I to see who can go the longest without a haircut, I'm obviously not going to be the first to lose that contest.

Sorry Miss Leah. You're going to have to swab the decks yourself. Maybe next year.

Note to Grandpa Cooper: Don't worry. I'm not going to join the Navy. I'm going to be in the Army, just like you. Although, if t-shirts are any indication, the score stands at: Navy 2, Army 0. But I think that Army jeeps should have some kind of point value. We'll call it even for now.