Our public intervention.

Dad, we love you and didn't want to have to do this publicly, but we think things have gotten out of hand. Listen, dad. We don't mind you watching soccer and playing soccer video games. Heck, mom and I are Manchester United fans.

But you need to remember we're Americans. And there's only one football here. And it's dominated by Carson Palmer and Brett Favre, not Posh Spice's husband.

And remember baseball, dad? We know the Reds are unimaginably awful, but we still have to stick with it. They've been bad my whole life, but I'm not giving up, and I don't think you should either dad.